Saturday, May 12, 2012

the one where i advise against rash decisions

why is it that in provo there is always an over-abundance of dating mishap stories?? 

seriously, none of us are immune! i've got loads of them - the time i passed out on a first date, the time a giant 32-inch pizza fell on me (might i add that it those first two were on the same date), the time no plans were made and we walked around a mall for two hours, and the ever-so-awkward "hey my sister and her husband are coming with us too". 

so like i said, we've all got them. 

well, i think i've discovered a new category of dating mishap - where it all goes horribly wrong before the date even begins.

and this is where i begin to advise against overanalyzing and make rash decisions.  

to make my advice painfully clear (and to show exactly what NOT to do), i will relay the following anecdote:

once upon a time, boy (boy from my mission) asks me out over facebook. well in advance. like a good two and a half weeks in advance of the actual proposed night. i was not super thrilled about it, so said i wasn't sure if i would be in town that weekend (because i honestly didn't know!) and told him i'd get back to him as soon as possible.  during this period of time it just so happens that my laptop dies. like completely dies a death - both externally and internally (RIP old lappy). so the only time i was on the internet was at work, and it turns out i actually was doing work and completely forgot to write the boy back. 

not because i was trying to avoid him, or reject him, or be rude at all. in fact, i was planning on saying yes. but i kept putting it off because i had other work things i had to do. 

so a week passes by like this and the boy writes again and asks what kind of decision i have arrived at. i'm still in the same sans-computer situation and it's a few days before i get to be able to write him again. but before i even get the chance to do that, what happens??!? welp, let me tell you...

boy posts a link to my facebook wall. it's to his very own blog! he writes me and says, "read the second entry". i'm excited, but maybe a little apprehensive. what could this awkward boy be blogging about?

well ladies and gentlemen, to sum up his blog post in one word, the title of the blog post is rejection


it's basically a little ditty about how you shouldn't ignore people and that lies hurt and honesty is the best policy. and how going "cold shoulder is like target practice and a cruel trick". (his words, not mine.) 

although he has the right to blog and vent his particular feelings in any which way he chooses, his chosen method to, dare i say, retaliate, was not quite appropriate. especially the whole posting it to my facebook wall where anybody in the world could see it. to me that was saying hey, you suck. and this is why. read away! 

y bueno...

so what do we learn from this?

  1. do not, under any circumstance, ask somebody out via facebook - if absolutely necessary, you can ask for a number over fb, and then proceed to call, but man, even that is pushing it.
  2. do not jump to conclusions. easy to say, hard to do, right? but really, you never know what's going on with somebody else or what situation they're dealing with, so don't automatically assume the worst. 
  3. do not lash out with your first reaction. my first reaction was to write him back and give him a large piece of my mind. i can be very straight forward and sometimes my non-sugar-coated honesty is like a ninja death star. it stings un poco. but, who would that help? nobody. so i didn't respond until the next day when i could reasonably write back and explain my situation, apologize for not replying sooner, and respectfully decline his date invite (yup, that's what i did). but this goes both ways, he probably should not have lashed out with a hate-blog in the first place. or at least should not have publicly posted it to my wall.
  4. do not hold grudges. i am happy to say that i tried my very best to not leave things all awkward-like with him. i invited him to a paraguayan party i'm having next week and he is very excited to be coming.

lessons learned? yes.
another good story to add to my list? haha, oh yeah. 

No comments:

Post a Comment