Tuesday, December 17, 2013


do you ever find yourself looking for answers, but then realize that you don't really know what the questions are?

yeah, me too.

weird feeling.

Monday, December 16, 2013

happy monday!


for several reasons.

a) it's christmastime. the savior, the bread of life, was born and placed into a feeding trough. symbolic, no?

b) i got offered a job that i interviewed for a few weeks ago. while it will most likely kill any semblance of a social life that i try to have, it will be an amazing learning experience.

c) i took my pathophysiology final this morning, effectively finishing my second semester of nursing school. two semesters down, only two left until i'm a bonafide nurse.

d) today i got to meet and talk with patients on the oncology unit at primary children's medical center. i colored in a princess coloring book with an angelic hairless child. 

how fitting it is to say, in all caps to emphasize my point, HALLELUJAH. 

that nefi, he's great.

what i've been searching, pondering, and praying about lately... 

(kind of long. sorry, not sorry.)

2 nefi 4:17- 35

 Sin embargo, a pesar de la gran bondad del Señor al mostrarme sus grandes y maravillosas obras, mi corazón exclama: ¡Oh, miserable hombre que soy! Sí, mi corazón se entristece a causa de mi carne. Mi alma se aflige a causa de mis iniquidades.
 Me veo circundado a causa de las tentaciones y pecados que tan fácilmente me asedian.
Y cuando deseo regocijarme, mi corazón gime a causa de mis pecados; no obstante, sé en quién he confiado.
Mi Dios ha sido mi apoyo; él me ha guiado por entre mis aflicciones en el desierto; y me ha preservado sobre las aguas del gran mar.
 Me ha llenado con su amor hasta consumir mi carne.
 Ha confundido a mis enemigos hasta hacerlos temblar delante de mí.
 He aquí, él ha oído mi clamor durante el día, y me ha dado conocimiento en visiones durante la noche.
 Y de día se ha fortalecido mi confianza en ferviente oración ante él; sí, he elevado mi voz a las alturas; y descendieron ángeles y me ministraron.
 Y mi cuerpo ha sido conducido en las alas de su Espíritu hasta montañas muy altas; y mis ojos han visto grandes cosas, sí, demasiado grandes para el hombre; por lo tanto, se me mandó que no las escribiera.
Entonces, si he visto tan grandes cosas, si el Señor en su condescendencia para con los hijos de los hombres los ha visitado con tanta misericordia, ¿por qué ha de llorar mi corazón, y permanecer mi alma en el valle del dolor, y mi carne deshacerse, y mi fuerza desfallecer por causa de mis aflicciones?
Y ¿por qué he de ceder al pecado a causa de mi carne? Sí, ¿y por qué sucumbiré a las tentaciones, de modo que el maligno tenga lugar en mi corazón para destruir mi paz y contristar mi alma? ¿Por qué me enojo a causa de mi enemigo?
 ¡Despierta, alma mía! No desfallezcas más en el pecado. ¡Regocíjate, oh corazón mío, y no des más lugar al enemigo de mi alma!
 No vuelvas a enojarte a causa de mis enemigos. No debilites mi fuerza por motivo de mis aflicciones.
 ¡Regocíjate, oh mi corazón, y clama al Señor y dile: Oh Señor, te alabaré para siempre! Sí, mi alma se regocijará en ti, mi Dios, y la roca de mi salvación.
  ¿Redimirás mi alma, oh Señor? ¿Me librarás de las manos de mis enemigos? ¿Harás que yo tiemble al aparecer el pecado?
 ¡Estén cerradas continuamente delante de mí las puertas del infierno, pues quebrantado está mi corazón y contrito mi espíritu! ¡No cierres, oh Señor, las puertas de tu justicia delante de mí, para que yo ande por la senda del apacible valle, para que me ciña al camino llano!
 ¡Oh Señor, envuélveme con el manto de tu justicia! ¡Prepara, oh Señor, un camino para que escape delante de mis enemigos! ¡Endereza mi sendero delante de mí! No pongas tropiezo en mi camino, antes bien despeja mis vías ante mí; y no obstruyas mi sendero, sino más bien las vías de mi enemigo.
¡Oh Señor, en ti he puesto mi confianza, y en ti confiaré para siempre! No pondré mi confianza en el brazo de la carne; porque sé que maldito es aquel que confía en el brazo de la carne. Sí, maldito es aquel que pone su confianza en el hombre, o hace de la carne su brazo.
Sí, sé que Dios dará liberalmente a quien pida. Sí, mi Dios me dará, si no pido impropiamente. Por lo tanto, elevaré hacia ti mi voz; sí, clamaré a ti, mi Dios, roca de mi rectitud. He aquí, mi voz ascenderá para siempre hacia ti, mi roca y mi Dios eterno. Amén.

what?? how is it that nephi, the great, faithful, awesome prophet, thinks exactly the same things that i think??! this is amazing. feeling weak and almost incompetent sometimes is totally normal, but how we deal with that is where we find spiritual power. the lord sees weaknesses different than he sees rebellion. we will always be weak in one thing or another, but that doesn't mean that we are bad or that god loves us any less.

mi alma se regocijará en ti, mi Dios, y la roca de mi salvación

Thursday, November 14, 2013

flesh-eating drugs

'tis the season for peppermint soymilk steamers from starbucks. it's like drinking a liquid molten candy cane. it's like pure christmas spirit in a beverage.

the radio station 100.3 is only playing christmas music. kudos to them for not giving into the whole you-can't-play-christmas-music-until-after-thanksgiving idea. 

do not google image the term 'krokodil drugs'. gross. we learned about it in my policy class last week (a giant tangent). it's a drug for people who have passed the point of meth being a strong enough drug for them. it comes from russia and it's brutal. you inject it and the side effects are.... flesh necrosis. usually at the point of injection. first your skin turns hard. hence the name, krokodil. but then, flesh necrosis. yeah, your skin literally falls off. often to the bone. there's like a 90% mortality rate.

i know this is all so random, but that's my life, baby. 

Saturday, November 9, 2013


i just don't understand how artists like miley cyrus can be famous and make it big for "singing" and for being "talented" when there are actual talented singers out there who make actual music. 

i think one of the most talented unknown singers out there right now is brandi carlile. seriously, why doesn't everyone know who she is?

because i can't choose just one and because i'm overly obsessed, here's another one....

i've yet to be able to go to one of her concerts. but the day that i do will practically be the best day of my life.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

people watching

i learned recently that an acceptable plural form of the word cello is celli. yeah, who knew?

i went to the symphony a little bit ago. i love that at the U, feeling cultured is free with every student id. 

now, i'm particularly adept at people watching. i quickly found the three most interesting people in the symphony. it's amazing how much you can learn about somebody just by watching them play their instrument.

so person #1. unorthodox bassist. you know how you're supposed to hold the bow a certain way? well, this guy held it the OPPOSITE WAY. i mean, he still used his right hand, but instead of the back of his hand facing front, the back of his hand faced backwards. what? i have never seen that.

person #2: the oldest living violinist. seriously, this man was probably 95 years old. his hair was pure white and he was in that shrunken state so that even when he was sitting up tall, he was probably one head shorter than everyone else. oh man, he was just so cute. 

person #3. i saved the best for last. he was the principal 2nd violinist. man, his face was priceless! if i was the conductor, i would have been watching this guy's face the whole entire time. it would be so distracting! he was so emotionally in tune with the music. on his long notes, he literally would close his eyes, look up, and sway. it looked like he was meditating. kind of. when the song picked up he would eye those notes down and he would get them. there was no escape for those notes. there is no way to explain the method to this form of genius, but it was awesome. totally made the whole concert for me. 

alright, so what lessons did i gather from symphonic people watching?

find something that you love and do it! find something that you want to do until you're 95 and old and shriveled! don't apologize for doing something differently. if you love it, that's all that's important. go out there and do it. don't do things half-heartedly. 

when you pray, pray.
when you study, study.
when you're in something, be in it.
if you're someone's friend, be their friend.
when you play the violin, play that violin.
play that bass with your hand backwards. 
find what you're passionate about and do it. 

i think everyone will be much happier when that happens. 

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

mientras tanto, soy feliz

pre job interview job interviews? weird. whatever.

the perfect snowglobe of a winter wonderland that i woke up to at 5am? magical.

the cutest old man wearing uggs with his pants tucked in at the hospital? adorable.

speaking spanish and conversar-ing with spanish-only patients and family? takes me back to the good old days. and reminds me that i need to learn medical spanish. 

the best institute class ever with the best teacher who literally changes your life just a little bit every single lesson? mind-blowing.

the upcoming pathophysiology test i have? oh shoot.

my life? magical, wonderful, awesome. i love it.