doubt not, fear not.

"and jesus answered and said unto them, verily, i say unto you, if ye have faith and doubt not, if ye shall say unto this mountain, be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea, it shall be done." 

-matthew 21:21

"doubt not, but be believing. come unto the lord with all your heart." 

-mormon 9:27

"look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not."

-doctrine and covenants 6:36

i don't know if you can tell, but lately i've been studying about doubt. 

doubt cripples our faith, weakens our self-confidence, distorts our reasoning, and all-around handicaps us. 

god is perfect. he cannot lie. his promises are sure. so when we doubt what he has promised us, we are placing parameters on our heavenly father. isn't god the most powerful, omnipotent, loving person in the universe? so why would we do that? why would we ever believe that there was something god couldn't do? a miracle that he couldn't perform?

well, of course we don't do it intentionally, (at least i hope not) but it does happen. i made a list in my study journal yesterday of promises that i've received from heavenly father that i've doubted. i listed 7 things. 7 promises that i received personally from heavenly father via revelation, inspiration, patriarchal blessing, etc. SEVEN THINGS! seven major parts of my life that i, for whatever reasons, decided weren't ever going to happen, weren't right, or that i had missed out on. 

so i made this resolution to stop doubting right then. i believe that god is a god of miracles. i trust that god's timetable is his own and that his promises are binding (if we do our part, of course). 

so after i make this resolution, i am happy and content. i have a dove chocolate next to me and decide to ask a question on it. (**side note: ask yourself a random question next time you eat a dove chocolate. they always have random phrases on the underside of the wrapper. for some inexplicable reason, the candy always gives you the answer that you need.)  initially, it was hard for me to come up with a question that didn't imply doubt. so i simply asked, "what would god have me know"? 

dove chocolate: trust in those that you love. 

boom! exactly what i had been studying for so long, literally wrapped up in one little line. trust in those that you love. we love our heavenly father. it only makes sense to trust him unconditionally. 

"BE NOT AFRAID, ONLY BELIEVE."

-mark 5:36 

the advantage of dating your textbooks.

"i have a date tonight. and a date tomorrow. it's too bad i don't actually like anyone right now." - roommate

"unfortunately, i have a date with a textbook tonight, like always." -me

"that's good. at least your textbook will always be there for you." - roommate

what a great perspective. too bad i didn't think of that myself. 

other happenings:

*i'm taking the bio 100 challenge exam tomorrow.

*utah's post-grad nursing school application is due next tuesday. i'm basically done, except for the bio 100 challenge exam and uploading some essays and my resume. yay!

*finished my first week of my last semester of my undergrad. so sad.

adios, 2012.

[disclaimer: this is LONG. i bet my mom will be the only to make it to the bottom. but this post was more for me and being able to look back over the last year than it was intended for anyone else. but if you make it through, congrats!]

2012 has been one of the most interesting years of my life... 

after spending 18 months in south america, this last year was the first that i spent back in the united states. 

the year started out perfectly as i went on a little family vacation to the most beautiful place i've ever been or seen - spain. we went to malaga, sevilla and stayed in marbella, right on the mediterranean sea... i can't get over how beautiful these places are! even carlos baute and marta sanchez sing about marbella (listen here)

we also took our adventure over to english territory at the rock of gibraltar, where a monkey literally tried to groom me after nearly giving me a heart attack by jumping on me. then we jumped continent over to morocco, where we almost got robbed and if you ask my sister, she'll tell you we were a second away from getting murdered (she's dramatic like that).

after 10 perfect days in europe, it was time to head back to school. i was a week and a half late in the semester and that made me really nervous, but it all turned out okay. i hit the books and i hit them hard. after a year and a half of not being in school, it was good to be back and i was more determined than ever to be successful. 

i've been studying ever since! an entire year straight. i've had a total of about two or three weeks break where i've not had classes. and i've learned most of all that i love school! 

so that's TWELVE straight months of studying.

i spent EIGHT months of the last year as a hard-core vegetarian. actually, i don't really know how hard-core vegetarians can be, but i did learn how to make some good tofu and veggie burgers/hot dogs.

FOUR of those months i didn't eat any processed foods at all (with the exception of cheetos...)

i was single for a total of SIX months and taken for the other SIX. those TWO relationships, differing in their levels of seriousness, made me grow more than i thought was possible in such a short period of time. thanks to those boys, who will always have a special place in my heart, i know exactly what i want, what i don't want, what i'm willing to compromise on and what i can't compromise. invaluable lessons, even if they were painful. 

i studied my butt off and got TEN A's and FOUR A-'s from BYU. oh and unfortunately there was that ONE C that snuck up in there. curse you, stupid 1 credit chemistry class that i never spent time on! 

TWO months straight i practically lived in the cadaver lab. i came home smelling like cadavers every day. yum...

not to mention, working TWENTY hour work weeks the entire year. 

i ran my THIRD half-marathon in october in a few minutes over TWO hours. not my best time, but okay i guess for having hardly trained at all. 

i managed to kill TWO beta fish this year. you know, the indestructible, almost immortal fish. one lasted for three days. the next lived for a glorious six-ish months. he committed suicide by jumping out of his fishbowl. seriously.

the tombstone for the first fish

since last december, i've been on FOUR different continents (s. america, n. america, europe, and africa). oh, how i love other peoples and cultures! 

as for next year, it will probably be the craziest yet. it includes a lot of unknowns as i graduate in april with a bachelor's in public health. 

what's next? i'm applying to post-grad nursing schools everywhere. namely, university of utah, georgetown, george washington, nyu, johns hopkins (just for fun). i'm still trying to find some more, even though i've been researching schools for a few years now, but i think that might be it. 

other plans? public health internships. public health jobs. the only problem is that i'm passionate about so many public health issues that i wouldn't know how to narrow my search down for specific jobs.

eeeeeeeeesh. so many options! 

i don't have any idea where i'll be this time next year, but here's to hoping that it will be fantastic!

i owe this last year not to myself, but to the people that heavenly father put in my life to help me grow and learn and change. this includes roommates, co-workers, mission companions, study friends from classes, ex-boyfriends, church leaders, and family. you all mean more to me than you know, so thank you!

bienvenido, 2013. chaucito, 2012!